Stillness but it still moves

The stillness within is like a lull before a torrid tumult.
I am in a time trap that knows no rescue. I cajole, convince myself, it listens but starts behaving like a spoilt child again.
It fancies something and wants it no matter what.
While stillness steels me..something within continues to move in a timeless span..motions of theb heart I mean.
Past makes a dramatic comeback and catches me offguards. While I had resigned to the reality, it confronts me bang bang and leaves me to deal. No big deal. I am used to this, am I not? I am a woman of today who knows that she knows. But the vulnerable in me recieves no love like a step child as it were.
Well being strong or percieved as one is like digging your own grave. You take upon yourself not just your own burden but in an attempt to make it easy for the other you go wham!!
Well this time while past is knocking at my door hard, present is no simplified theory.
Like they say from bad to worse. Present knocks me off with its own intricacies.
I was talking to this friend in Nepal about love.
The fact that both of us at different points declined what we recall as the love we did not recognise.
"Praggie I have this feeling that love will find us at 60,"
We still gush over the godforsaken love.
Though still but iy moves and it will.