Feels like love yet again

I thought I had lost it somewhere. But my heart is potentially alive, it beats and skips a beat too.
The romantic rush feels no more sane but yes it does seem to give me a drive.
Should I say, it's just been two weeks and it's growing like how.
If everything goes well we might turn into neighbours.
Well let me explain, I have been struggling with being potentially homeless and looking for a house frantically.
Found a dream house - a red brick duplex with an awesome terrace overlooking the seamless jungle..ah I am still reveling in that fleeting dreamlike state..
There is an urgency to move out by the end of this week. This brings me back to the story where I began this post.
So this new zing has just moved to the maddening city from Bangalore. From the word go it was good. Instantaneous chemistry, something that shook me from my comfort zone.
Like we always settle in our set mould or we set a mould that is too comfotable to move from. And suddenly a zany feeling that tugs you hard and knocks you off the balance you have striven hard to achieve.
A fleeting boundary that sets your head against heart or two logical heads within.
I am watching!

Of life universe and magic

Well, it's been a low ebb, confidence sinking, losing the zing..thank God it passed. Things fall in place if you just let it be..step back and take a deep breath

magic magic magic...it happens!

Magic 1: We cracked one simple campaign idea yippie!!!
Magic 2: I finally get my post paid connection
Magic 3: (Awaited) need my UK visa in flat three days..pray I get..London calling and dreams too :-)
I am sort of getting my zing back.
A friend said "you have spark, you are a bubbling cauldron" Thanks friend.

I have been so used to being at the centre of action and attention (professionally). I guess I have not been able to handle the low key for last one month. I want action! action! that's what drives me.

I need the centrestage! I know! I need to awaken the fire in me!

Myself after long

Life's been on rollercoaster....Deadlines and all that jazz....but having fun nontheless. Three and half hr long conference call fried my brain like how..Needed some fun. Started small and there followed some fun antics, photo shoot all over the office space and down with cigerrate amidst the muck of Nehru Place.
Felt myself after long..fun time and some cool colleagues to join in.
Exciting learning curve.
More will follow.

Where the buck stops

Not where it should ideally. Why do we push limits and press buttons that trigger unwanted airwaves?

The human mind acts on funny kicks or so it seems. What is apparent is not real and a parallel world exists and denizens of the real inhabit the evil, vicious intent.

A funny world is unfolding with an interesting mix of drama, vitual romance and vilifying egos.
While the former is fun latter a mortal throttle and unsettling.

When the coffee table becomes an extension of the living room and myriad mosaic of characters emerge to play their part.

While one enjoys seamlessly palying a part and simultaneously stand outside of oneself and see events of life unfolding.

Interesting, very interesting indeed :-)

Vitamin Works

My system seemed to collapse after my recent Rajasthan trip. Heat and monstrosity of rural India enmeshed with the image of India which is so unlike the one we are the denizens of conspired to the collapse.

Hungover with the grind fatigue took over and sent me in a tizzy to series of tests and there came to the resue the VITAMIN B.

For good two weeks I was struggling with sapped energy and low key me which was such a misfit to my regular frame.

Last two days have been magical. I am beaming with energy and bouncing back to life. Yuppie..
Does this mean that I would have to depend on external stimulants for the internal pep..Nah blame it on the lifestyle we follow-erratic diet, smoking (kills appaetite)..and all the rest intertwined.

I am cheered up, my focus is back and raring to go.
Vitamins - my new love :-)

Of the evening and events

I had gone for a meeting  with my colleague to explore an exhibition space. We were ushered through a range of rooms with nondescript plates on each door saying who's who.

The walk through the driveway was quite interesting. Interseting looks on 'men's ' faces too eager to talk from the guard to guide to the member secy promising space.

I headed towards the photos on display and my 'male' colleugue said he will come along and 'not leave me alone' at least when it came to uncouth surroundings of the 'government' offices.

That insinuation got me curious and he explained jokingly 'men here have not found time enough to civilize themselves.'

And I could see a clear difference between the ones that fall in my circle of acquaintaines, friends, ex, lover category. Or is it that they have been 'civilized' enough to camouflage the crass?

We walked back to the car and switched on the radio.

And  there Ginnie goes on Meow discussing whether men cheat on women more and why?

And one male caller went on record to say "90% of men" cannot be trusted and that it is the thrill in doing it that justifies all so not done things. Could he be more candid...NAH!

My colleague in question is the most sensible I have ever met. So after the meeting was over we went to Max Mueller and order our most favorate chicken macroni and ice tea..ummmm (you must try if you haven't yet)

We sat there watching a tiny bird, taking calls, eating, drinking smoking, talking of work and other stuff. We got up to leave and walked our way out reading 'au revoir' and 'shalom' and adios and BLIMEY!!!!!!!!the car went missing from the spot he had parked it.

We both laughed and got informed that the car was towed away. Taking an auto we reached a hovel where all such cars find a perch. PHEW! relieved to find the one towed away!

Hit the road again but not before paying three green notes!

Quite an evening!

Choco mania

Ummmm...suddenly a craving for choco.. chocolate on my way home. I stopped by the nearest barista and indulged in chocolate excess with melting cho sauce on it (asked for extra flow there).

If that was not enough bought brownies as a means of lighter delight.

Nah..it doesnt seem enough..here goes more - a dairy milk that finally satiated the insatiable.

And while I sat browsing the health news section of BBC here is what it said and yes scientifically proven 

Melting chocolate is better than a passionate kiss, scientists have found. Follow the link to read more: 

Chocolate 'better than kissing'

Third person: stories of collapse and crumbling dreams

So far it has all been about me. This one concerns lives of those around who matter to me. What has unfolded leaves me upset and unsettled. There is not much I can do though except pray they find their happiness and love restored.

First of these concern my two very good friends who have been together for a while now. And yes I had a teeny weeny role in bringing them together. They survived their living in the same city, then long distance and few months of living together and back to long distance when the guy moved down south and the other flew to Nepal. The guy much too willing to make it work while the other wore the robe of rigidity and never allowed her softer side to emerge (my sense having talked to both). The guy seemed sure to call it off feeling he had absolutely no influence or role to play in her life and there the relationship froze.

Second concerns someone I met while working in the organisation I do executing a project together and yes it has sustained all these years and shall. His life revolved around someone for good eight years surviving downs and ups. Now he is ready to take the plunge but the one who he wants it with has stepped back cowering under family pressure. And every vague word from the girl becomes hope personified for him. He somewhere knows the fact but is holding on the dreams he has been living and hoping would become real. 

Third is someone I have know for a long long time. A very good friend indeed. His news he broke over coffee that they have called off their official engagement. 

The last concerns the 'object of my affection'. He has been in love with someone for theree years including a year and half of his stay in India and of his love interest seeing someone else for the same period. However, the man in question loves too much holds on to hope and says "will see".

Though all of above concerns specific individuals I am sure it interprets all our lives in some way or the other. What keeps the hope alive or what dims the dreams is all a making of the mind.

Those who have it wish it away with their undoing and those who dont equally undo their possibilities by constructing walls to protect themselves. 

Why can it not be an idyllic world where honest efforts and emotions pay off in personal relationships?

Layered dreams

Layer within layers 

feathered they are 

dreams and hopes 

Pleasure is seeking

Success is achieving 

Love is giving 

and life a journey

Stuccato, linear countours

getting lost in the nooks and shelves

while one rusts the other blossoms

and life becomes a glen of dreams

some broken while others awaiting the wings to fly

D: It is written

Dream's alive, hope's reignited...

Slumdog Millionniare is all about dreams and hopes amidst dark realities that millions of lives  are interwoven with.

The film is beset with grime and filth..the invisible India. It is about the escapism that we take recourse to and choose to shut our eyes amidst the myth of prosperity and wealth and dreams which find a meaning in abstracts and material that we feel completes us.

The film is special. Not just another rendition packaging India's poverty. I was with my ' gora friend' who was watching this the third time and enjoyed as much even 

though making a hatrick of it. 

Yes dreams are alive and hopes are reignited..

 

And yes IT IS WRITTEN. 

Sanity regained

Shake shake! phew it's back...yes my sanity is back

With the mind going mush over the 'gora' this is much needed tool in my armour.

I was suppose to get tickets for slumdog millionnaire as he offered his company knowing i was keen to watch the flick of golden globe fame..

So the evening of 26 January clinched. 

While Sunday was ladies' day out that lasted all of the evening too at Dilli Haat to all the foodie's delight and ambling through the colours of winters wrought all over the place...An afternoon soaked in the sun we had a lovely time..

While on the other end my 'friend' had told me of the dinner date with his German aquaintance..

Why should that bother me..nah it doesn't..i swear it doesn't.

While 'Jai ho' roared on the radio my phone made a meek peep...

"Morning. What time did you get the tickets for?," need you guess who it is.

I had already told him 8:30 the day before..Then my little miffed self started to form a storyline from this seemingly simple text on my phone's screen..(my usual tactics to deal with something I dont like is to delete/erase)

Off goes the irky SMS from my INBOX.

And the story weaves in my mind as follows:

"May be he had a late night with..ugh..the girl...hung over and all that,"

I speed across a text:

"8:30 it is. In case you too lazy to come or change your mind, let me know. I will work my plan accordingly* (read replace the company)," and I sit relieved.

The moment you give any amount of importance to a man he whops it up in the first go and adorns it like feather in his cap.. Thats about it...

Me making memories

Saturday morning began  with a predominant laze haze. 

"May be I could just stay in and listen to music, read and sleep"

Just when I was readying for the set mission the phone peeped

"Hey I am going for lunch at ansals and then may be museum. wanna come?" said the sender

Well it was not so much the 'what' of the text that sent a little rush but...yes the sender :-)

Could I resist that? nah..

This was a 'gora' at work who wanted a company of someone he thinks he shares a wonderful friendship with.

Ahem! but she was alreday dreaming on...cherishing the moments and making memories..

As the 'friend' will soon leave India.

So I set off with whims flying high with spurts of rational chiding at the same go.

"You have been counseling him on resolving his 'complicated' love life. How can you now...Friendship must outweigh the romantic air," said the mind.

So its settled "You cannot risk it. Live it as long as it lasts and enjoy the 'friendship'

So it was a lovely auto ride..and museum do..spending good quiet afternoon wall gazing with snippets of art and the other worldly artefacts ...while this world going mush mush inside that friendly exterior :-) I will let this one pass.

That weight is off my head

Phew...relieved after the week of turmoil..decision made...weight off my head.
ready to take that leap
holdingno hitches, raring to go
yes i have taken that leap...
ye ye i am happy i did

Leap of faith

How does it feel
to take a leap
and give it a go

How does it feel
to see an open sky
or vast expanse of a sea

How does it feel
when you stand on that threshold
or a road not taken before

How does it feel
to let go of an old nest
and to turn a new turf

Is that what they call
a leap of faith?

Words

Yarn of words
In strayed web that wove

Trail of words
Linger long after the silence

Glint of words
In the sparkle of your eyes

Murmurs I hear
Beyond the careless whispers