Feels like love yet again

I thought I had lost it somewhere. But my heart is potentially alive, it beats and skips a beat too.
The romantic rush feels no more sane but yes it does seem to give me a drive.
Should I say, it's just been two weeks and it's growing like how.
If everything goes well we might turn into neighbours.
Well let me explain, I have been struggling with being potentially homeless and looking for a house frantically.
Found a dream house - a red brick duplex with an awesome terrace overlooking the seamless jungle..ah I am still reveling in that fleeting dreamlike state..
There is an urgency to move out by the end of this week. This brings me back to the story where I began this post.
So this new zing has just moved to the maddening city from Bangalore. From the word go it was good. Instantaneous chemistry, something that shook me from my comfort zone.
Like we always settle in our set mould or we set a mould that is too comfotable to move from. And suddenly a zany feeling that tugs you hard and knocks you off the balance you have striven hard to achieve.
A fleeting boundary that sets your head against heart or two logical heads within.
I am watching!

Of life universe and magic

Well, it's been a low ebb, confidence sinking, losing the zing..thank God it passed. Things fall in place if you just let it be..step back and take a deep breath

magic magic magic...it happens!

Magic 1: We cracked one simple campaign idea yippie!!!
Magic 2: I finally get my post paid connection
Magic 3: (Awaited) need my UK visa in flat three days..pray I get..London calling and dreams too :-)
I am sort of getting my zing back.
A friend said "you have spark, you are a bubbling cauldron" Thanks friend.

I have been so used to being at the centre of action and attention (professionally). I guess I have not been able to handle the low key for last one month. I want action! action! that's what drives me.

I need the centrestage! I know! I need to awaken the fire in me!

Why am I resigned to singlehood

Life seems content on all fronts, but sometimes a lurking question sets me wondering.
Why am I single?
Am I committment phobic? What type?
A rushed glimpse into my past relationships makes me reflect.
I have repeatedly formed alliances with men (unconsciously) with those who were emotionally unavailable, or men who were not good enough for me (so my friends would tell and I would turn a deaf ear to it) or worse still who I knew were fully into me.
All in all a doomed story from the very start.
And when it would officially end, I would resign myself to fate and cry my heart out. For isn't crying over loss normal?
Well, yes, or trying to behave normal (subconsciously). At least I have imbibed some from the collective normal ethos.
On the same note, now that I think, I have always run away from men who bring along security, lasting love and stability as they all want.
What is it that I want?

Dil-e-nadan na samajh paye
To mera kya kasoor
Teri justhu mein
Har waqt rehta hai maghroor

Dil ko ya armaan tha,
Jo kal tha woh aaj bhi moujood hota
Wo khayal, woh ehsaas
Kareeb mere wajood hota

Life is fair, even in despair
Love lives in my intimate imaginaire
Life's good, so I declare
What's destiny I stand and behold!

When ex flame turns a friend

I always heard people say, relationship once ended should be a closed chapter.
That always set me thinking 'what's more important - destination that lost path or journey that made it worthwhile'
If the latter, how could people who once formed the most significant element of our lives cease to be a part of it. In both literal and figurative terms. Even if they are not with you they are very much a part of abstract existence - in memories and mindscape.
And yes, I am experiencing the same in a more fulfilling way that I could ever have probably. The openness and connect that's there now, was never seen before. A new level that transcends all narrow bounds of worldly cares.
I am happy the way it is.

Myself after long

Life's been on rollercoaster....Deadlines and all that jazz....but having fun nontheless. Three and half hr long conference call fried my brain like how..Needed some fun. Started small and there followed some fun antics, photo shoot all over the office space and down with cigerrate amidst the muck of Nehru Place.
Felt myself after long..fun time and some cool colleagues to join in.
Exciting learning curve.
More will follow.

Where the buck stops

Not where it should ideally. Why do we push limits and press buttons that trigger unwanted airwaves?

The human mind acts on funny kicks or so it seems. What is apparent is not real and a parallel world exists and denizens of the real inhabit the evil, vicious intent.

A funny world is unfolding with an interesting mix of drama, vitual romance and vilifying egos.
While the former is fun latter a mortal throttle and unsettling.

When the coffee table becomes an extension of the living room and myriad mosaic of characters emerge to play their part.

While one enjoys seamlessly palying a part and simultaneously stand outside of oneself and see events of life unfolding.

Interesting, very interesting indeed :-)

Dreams unwound

Dreams have an innate tendency to become real. Virtual is in a way a real denial. But it sure is another world, when the equations are totally different in person in which a certain level of constructs remain, but the boundaries merge in the exploratory space. The whole notion of relationship is now being reconfigured in the limitless space that it is.

But the question is in the merging realities which real is real? The question is beset with dichotomy and dualism.

But the above is not much different from the hypocricy of the real either. Where we constantly deny what's real in a conscious manner. So that's teh existence of virtual real and vice-versa.

Vagueness will dispel once I am able to figure out the meanings.