Layered dreams

Layer within layers 

feathered they are 

dreams and hopes 

Pleasure is seeking

Success is achieving 

Love is giving 

and life a journey

Stuccato, linear countours

getting lost in the nooks and shelves

while one rusts the other blossoms

and life becomes a glen of dreams

some broken while others awaiting the wings to fly

Countdown begins

Well lots of changes afoot. Life's taking a new turn. A new job responsibility a new organisation. This is my last month with my current employer.

I wish I could take a break by the sea. But possibility seems bleak as I have take on the task immediately. 

On a personal front, loneliness is setting on. I am sure you understand what I mean. A phase in life where you need a certain anchor in life to hold your emotional energies. Thats what they mean by stability. I need a stabilizer. A companionship as I understand. A sense of togetherness in doing little this and that or doing nothing at all. Where you hear words in silence, extension of you in the other. Your own sense of self merges while maintaining one's own. 

Phew! lost and found and lost again. 

This morning I logged on to facebook and saw my cousin's kids. Adorable three. 

I seem ready to experience all that could be mine and ours. 

Relieved like how

After months of edginess inside, feigning calm exterior, I finally spelt it out.

I am feeling very light. I am glad I did that and ready for the consequences as well. 

That said, what I definetly do not want is the freindship to change. I will be happy with the status quo than upsetting the balance in that.

Yes, we have spent lot of time together over the last year and a half of his stay in India.

Beautiful friendship that I never thought would be when he first arrived. All we had was verbal banters.

Oh ya, when we were all in Johannesburg for a meeting. A friend seeing our interaction remarked, "Two of you are like characters from a novel where it starts with fights and eventually ends in love."

Well at least for me it is like living that prophecy. 

Life always throws siuations at us and leaves us to deal with it. Can we ask life to be more fair.

Lets see how it unfolds in the coming month that we will be in the same organisation. I move to another organisation and he back to his country. Ahem

Hold on, my heart!

It is getting crazier by the day. The throbbing and thumping is getting out of control.

Losing sleep and appetite both.

I guess it is only natural and normal with so many changes afoot. Changing job turning new turf, new people, new profile...excited I am but jittery too given the comfort zone that I am ensconced in at my current work zone.

Well well! I am sure all will fall in place.

But weaning away is also painful. When you want to hold on to nice things like the last straw.

The 'object of my affection' has not come in at work which means I miss another day and my memory machine stays idle..

So practically no lunch outing and no walk back:-(

D: It is written

Dream's alive, hope's reignited...

Slumdog Millionniare is all about dreams and hopes amidst dark realities that millions of lives  are interwoven with.

The film is beset with grime and filth..the invisible India. It is about the escapism that we take recourse to and choose to shut our eyes amidst the myth of prosperity and wealth and dreams which find a meaning in abstracts and material that we feel completes us.

The film is special. Not just another rendition packaging India's poverty. I was with my ' gora friend' who was watching this the third time and enjoyed as much even 

though making a hatrick of it. 

Yes dreams are alive and hopes are reignited..

 

And yes IT IS WRITTEN. 

Sanity regained

Shake shake! phew it's back...yes my sanity is back

With the mind going mush over the 'gora' this is much needed tool in my armour.

I was suppose to get tickets for slumdog millionnaire as he offered his company knowing i was keen to watch the flick of golden globe fame..

So the evening of 26 January clinched. 

While Sunday was ladies' day out that lasted all of the evening too at Dilli Haat to all the foodie's delight and ambling through the colours of winters wrought all over the place...An afternoon soaked in the sun we had a lovely time..

While on the other end my 'friend' had told me of the dinner date with his German aquaintance..

Why should that bother me..nah it doesn't..i swear it doesn't.

While 'Jai ho' roared on the radio my phone made a meek peep...

"Morning. What time did you get the tickets for?," need you guess who it is.

I had already told him 8:30 the day before..Then my little miffed self started to form a storyline from this seemingly simple text on my phone's screen..(my usual tactics to deal with something I dont like is to delete/erase)

Off goes the irky SMS from my INBOX.

And the story weaves in my mind as follows:

"May be he had a late night with..ugh..the girl...hung over and all that,"

I speed across a text:

"8:30 it is. In case you too lazy to come or change your mind, let me know. I will work my plan accordingly* (read replace the company)," and I sit relieved.

The moment you give any amount of importance to a man he whops it up in the first go and adorns it like feather in his cap.. Thats about it...

Me making memories

Saturday morning began  with a predominant laze haze. 

"May be I could just stay in and listen to music, read and sleep"

Just when I was readying for the set mission the phone peeped

"Hey I am going for lunch at ansals and then may be museum. wanna come?" said the sender

Well it was not so much the 'what' of the text that sent a little rush but...yes the sender :-)

Could I resist that? nah..

This was a 'gora' at work who wanted a company of someone he thinks he shares a wonderful friendship with.

Ahem! but she was alreday dreaming on...cherishing the moments and making memories..

As the 'friend' will soon leave India.

So I set off with whims flying high with spurts of rational chiding at the same go.

"You have been counseling him on resolving his 'complicated' love life. How can you now...Friendship must outweigh the romantic air," said the mind.

So its settled "You cannot risk it. Live it as long as it lasts and enjoy the 'friendship'

So it was a lovely auto ride..and museum do..spending good quiet afternoon wall gazing with snippets of art and the other worldly artefacts ...while this world going mush mush inside that friendly exterior :-) I will let this one pass.

That weight is off my head

Phew...relieved after the week of turmoil..decision made...weight off my head.
ready to take that leap
holdingno hitches, raring to go
yes i have taken that leap...
ye ye i am happy i did

Leap of faith

How does it feel
to take a leap
and give it a go

How does it feel
to see an open sky
or vast expanse of a sea

How does it feel
when you stand on that threshold
or a road not taken before

How does it feel
to let go of an old nest
and to turn a new turf

Is that what they call
a leap of faith?

I bid adieu

Shutting myself to the past windows

I decide to move on

I close the door

To all that is left behind

I turn back

To take a last peek into

All that was

And all that was not

A catharsis

To bid a final adieu

To all that was never mine

Happiness in lease I lived

Castle that blew to the wind

And dreams buried alive

Words

Yarn of words
In strayed web that wove

Trail of words
Linger long after the silence

Glint of words
In the sparkle of your eyes

Murmurs I hear
Beyond the careless whispers